Should I Marry a Paramedic or Fireman?

Recently, a close friend asked me whether my husband and I know any other paramedics or firefighters that we could introduce her to. Another friend who was with us at that time said, "everyone knows you should NEVER marry someone in EMS." There I was, smiling between them. And, the discussion continued, of course, to whether it's a good idea to marry someone who works as a paramedic, firefighter, etc. As I listened to the two of them debating the subject that neither of them really had any personal experience with, I thought to myself... "well, what would be my answer?" 

As mentioned in earlier posts, when my husband & I met, I knew very little about his career. All I knew was that he had an erratic schedule and he always seemed to be working at 3:00 am. At first, I assumed he was a bartender or working in a dance club. As we got closer, I learned that he is a paramedic and was working overnight shifts for a private ambulance company contracted with our county. Prior to all of this, prior to his move to Florida from Ohio, and prior to me, he was a firefighter for 10 years and worked as a paramedic with a fire department in Ohio. When he moved to Florida from Ohio, his fire certification didn't transfer but his paramedic certification did. Despite his 10 years of experience, there was no way to challenge the fire exam in Florida without going all the way through fire academy again. So, he went to work for a private ambulance company until he could take the time to go back to fire academy. During our dating life, I met several girlfriends & wives of his colleagues and friends who I had the chance to get to know a bit. From these friendships, I thought I had an inkling of what life would be like married to his career but I was wrong. I had no clue.

We have been together for 2 years & 7 months and we've been married now for 7 months & three weeks (thank you google widget!). Of course, we're still technically newlyweds, so take my ramblings for what they're worth. Clearly, I'm an expert! Haha ;)

Yes- marry a paramedic or fireman if you want a man who is steadfast & dependable. Their nature is one of allegiance and loyalty. If they say they will get something done, they will do everything possible to make that happen. Sometimes that means it won’t happen right away- it may be after their shift, on their next day off, or after they’ve had some time to relax. It will get done. My husband tries to remember that, even though I’m not a first responder, I’m still at the mercy of his schedule. He knows that it takes a little more understanding, a little more stress, and a little more trust for me than if he were sitting behind a desk for 8 hours each day. For this, he tries to keep his promises. Now, as I said earlier, I know a lot of my guy’s friends too. I have to say this- what I’m saying does not automatically apply to all paramedics & firefighters. Obviously, there are exceptions, just like in any group of people. But, for the most part, the paramedics & firemen I know are wonderful people who are ridiculously loyal.

N0- Don’t marry a paramedic or fireman if you are looking for a spouse who will always be around, has a stable schedule, and will make sure you’re never lonely. Trust me on this one, I’ve learned the hard way. He will have to work on Thanksgiving and you will spend the week entertaining his family from out of state. He will work on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and you will spend the holidays alone in your house with your dogs because you don’t want to go out of town with your family and abandon him. He will work on your anniversary, your birthday, his birthday, mother’s day, father’s day, fourth of july, and just about every day of the year that you desperately wish that you could be with him. Usually, he won’t work every holiday in the same year (although it’s happened to us one year) but eventually, he will work every one of these days. Trust me. If you can’t live with this, don’t date anyone in EMS.

Yes- marry a paramedic or fireman if you want a sexy, hot husband! Also, if you like a man in uniform, you’re in luck!

No- don’t marry a paramedic or fireman if you don’t want every other woman in the world to think your husband is hot too! They will ogle your husband and if he’s anything like my husband, these girls will not be subtle about it! He will be smiled at, gawked at, winked at, hit on constantly, and even flashed by random women! It will never matter how inappropriate it is or where he meets these girls. Sometimes, it won’t even matter if you’re standing right beside him when it happens. Oh yeah, and every nurse within 100 miles will give him her phone number, even if she knows he’s taken. Please see above. You’re not the only woman out there who will recognize that he’s sexy, looks great in that uniform, and that he’s a hero. I’ve met girls who actually chase fire trucks & ambulances in their cars so that they can flash them when they get beside the truck, it will happen.

No- Don’t marry a paramedic or fireman if you hate going to bed alone at night. You will sleep alone probably more nights than you will sleep with him. There will be nights that he isn’t home and you have no choice. There will be other nights when he is home & you still go to bed alone. These night are harder for me than the night when he isn’t there at all. It’s hard to go to sleep knowing that he’s out in the livingroom but doesn’t want to go to bed with you. I’ve heard a lot about sleep schedules. He doesn’t want to go to bed too early on his nights off so he stays up all night in the livingroom while I have to go to sleep. I understand it, but understanding doesn’t make my nights any less lonely.

No- Don’t marry a paramedic or fireman if you think all he does is answer exciting emergency calls & “play the hero”. Yes, he will save lives, deliver babies, give parents another chance at life with their children, and give children another day with their parents. Some of his time will be spent driving patients from one hospital to another. Some of his time will be spent trying to exhibit patience when people call 911 for reasons that are clearly not emergencies. Some of his time will be spent checking trucks and helping to clean up what my husband so nicely describes as “buckets of blood”. Every year or few years, there will be days and weeks that he’ll be angry about contract disputes and union meetings. You won’t be able to fight these battles for him, no matter how much you want to, even if you’re a lawyer. Some days he’ll bring home stress and frustration about work that he won’t even tell you about. You’ll ask him “what’s wrong?” or “what’s on your mind?” and the answer will be “I’m fine.” or “don’t worry about it, it’s nothing.” For me, no matter how many times I ask, I’ll never know what’s bothering my best friend. Who knows, maybe it’s for the best that I don’t know.

Despite the fact that there are more "no" than "yes" paragraphs above, I assure you that I am very happy to be married to my hero. I am blessed beyond measure to be his wife. In all my rambling, I still haven't come to any conclusion about the initial question of whether it's a good idea to marry someone in EMS. When I asked my husband what he thought about all of this he said "it's probably not different than marrying anyone else." I beg to differ. He is right on some level though. No matter who you want to be with, it's always going to be a lot more about who the person is, and whether you want to spend the rest of your live living with and loving them. If you do, none of what I wrote above will matter to you. Every marriage requires sacrifice. If you join this family, your sacrifice will be different than if you were to marry a banker or an accountant. It's not a decision that will make your life more simple. It's not always an easy life, but it's a life, and it's with him- that's the part that counts.