gone, gone, gone :(

 

on may 6th, very right after we got home from Key West, i found out that my Grandma Kit was in the Hospital in Mississippi. as far as i had known, she hadn't been sick. just like with my grandpa, this was a surprise. immediately, i got on a plane to fly there to be with her. Adam came with me, he was incredible. in my entire life, no one besides my parents has ever been there for me the way that he is, and really always had my back. it meant the world to me to have him there with me and that he got to meet my incredible grandmother (he wasn't so lucky with my grandpa who died suddenly February 28, 2010). so, there we were, in Mississippi, watching one of the 5 most loved people in my entire world die. it was heart wrenching. we sat there almost helpless by her side for 2 days. there were moments of laughter, when she was coherent she would wake up and say something sarcastic, as was her nature. God, i miss her. so, there it was, just like that. within 3 months, i had lost 2 grandparents--- 2 of the 5 people that i had always loved the most were gone, just like that, without warning.

 

toya moved home to miami...

my roommate & close friend toya moved back home to miami. she took a job there that she loves. she works in the domestic violence unit for the state. she seems really happy. i miss her. i miss the fun we had together and i miss constantly having a somewhat like-minded girlfriend around to chat with, bounce ideas off of, cook with, laugh with, and get dressed up to go out with once a week. that said, i am incredibly happy for her that she's found her place and is happy in her job.

...if you're lucky enough to be at the beach, you're lucky enough....

Adam & I drove down to Key West for the weekend. We left Friday evening after we both got off work, around 6:30 pm. We arrived at our first hotel around 2:15 am. The hotel had a lovely pool, so we checked in & immediately went for a swim. What we didn't notice was that the pool closed at midnight, so the staff didn't take too kindly to our 2:30 am swim. Although short, it was fun & refreshing.

After our swim, we went to sleep so that we could wake up at a decent hour on Saturday to start our adventure.

On Saturday morning, we woke up & went to an awesome breakfast place that Adam had researched ahead of time, called Blue Heaven. Adam tried a Lobster Benedict, which he loved. I had an omelette & their homemade bannana bread, it was fabulous.

After breakfast, we boarded a trolley tour with 12 stops throughout the key, which we could get on an off throughout the day. We rode the trolley around the key until about 3:30 pm stopping at various touristy stops to explore.

After we were satisfied with all of the sights we had seen on the trolley, we went to our hotel for the second night, which was the Crowne Plaza, located right across Duval Street from Sloppy Joe's.

After we checked in to the hotel, we changed into beach clothes & went to check out Fort Zachary Taylor and the beach at the park. The Fort was interesting, but we weren't all that impressed with the beach. We're too spoiled because we live near such beautiful beaches.

After the beach, we went back to our hotel to change, then we hit the town for the evening & did our own version of the "Duval Crawl". It definitely made for a fun & interesting night.

On Sunday morning, we packed up, checked out of our hotel, and walked down to a french creperry for breakfast. Adam had a crepe made with bannana, lime, and sugar; mine was nutella, strawberries, and bannanas. We sat right up at this breakfast bar where we could watch all of the crepes being made. They were great.

On the walk back to the truck after breakfast, we stopped for one last photo opportunity and ran into some folks who we had met the night before at Hog's Breath Saloon.

We left Key West around 1:00 pm on Sunday to make our journey back to St. Petersburg. Along the way, we took a few hours to visit Toya in Miami for dinner.

Although we both wished we were able to stay away longer, it was a wonderful weekend. Now, we're back home & back to work.

 Adam started his new schedule today, working overnights. This will be challenging for us because I work from 9:00 am until 5:30 pm and he will be working from 4:00 pm to 4:00 am. I'm so grateful that we were able to spend such a fun weekend together before this schedule change...

...becoming who we are

here we are, out on our own now
not living in the future, not running from the past
we've counted up the days, counted down the minutes
we're counting on each other, yeah we're gonna make it last

i don't know where we'll go
but even if we stumble & fall, we're becoming who we are

this is just a start & it's gonna get harder
i don't want no other, there's no one quite like you are
with pennies in the jar & holes in our pockets
i might not have much, but i promise you the stars
our hearts toss and turn and we're so unsure
there's so much we can't see, there's so much we need to learn


i don't know where we'll go
but even if we stumble & fall, we're becoming who we are

i don't know where we'll go
but even if we stumble & fall, we're becoming who we are

sunshine & other bright things

sometimes i forget that i can choose to walk in the sunshine when the clouds of uncertainty alter my perspective ♥ ♥

 this morning, walking out to my car to go to work, i had the usual list of important tasks that must be completed running through my mind... as i felt the warm sun rays beat down onto my face, i looked up and smiled. at that perfect moment, my wonderful boyfriend exclaimed "It's a beautiful day today." suddenly, the to-do list vanished from my mind and i thought to myself, "you're right, that's what today is: beautiful." it was a perfect example to me of our daily & even momentary opportunities to CHOOSE happiness. there is absolutely no reason that we need to spend every waking moment full of worry or fear or stress... sometimes, we should just be. 

 April 3, 2010. Toya, Adam & me

m.i.a.

i haven't posted since December 3rd.... i stink. but, life is good---- really good. i've been really busy, but will try to update more soon, hopefully tomorrow.

Adam & I at Gasparilla- January 30, 2010

Rest in Peace

I just heard a minute ago that a dear friend passed away this weekend, November 28, 2009.
 

This is crazy but, Saturday night, i was driving back to tampa from my parents' house in Sarasota on 301 near the cheetah and i saw a motorcycle hit a car and the person flew off the bike and landed on the grass on the side of 301... no one had responded to the scene yet, so i called 911 and said a prayer for the person and their family... the person was wearing a helmet but they weren't moving when they were lying in the grass... i was on the phone with a friend who drives a motorcycle at the time and i told him what I had just seen and he said, "the guy probably didn't make it." i have thought about that accident a few times since then, i could see it in my head over over, the limp body flying off the bike into the grass and then not moving, how it didn't look real.

Today, I got an e-mail from a mutual friend telling me that our friend Natalie died in a motorcycle accident Saturday night... it was the same accident that I saw. Life is nuts sometimes.

 

I am still in shock and so sad. Rest in Peace Natalie... you will be greatly missed.

 

 

Dumbaugh, Natalie Winnifred
Oct. 12, 1987 - Nov. 28, 2009

Natalie Winnifred Dumbaugh, 22, of Sarasota, died in Sarasota Nov. 28 as the result of a motorcycle accident.
Natalie was born in Sarasota Oct. 12, 1987. She is survived by her parents, Dorothy Tuccinardi and Roy Dumbaugh of Sarasota; sisters Carmen (Steven) Phillips, also of Sarasota, and Petty Officer 3rd Class Abigail Dumbaugh of the United States Navy; and grandmother, Winnifred Dumbaugh of Sarasota. Other Sarasota relatives include uncles John (Barbara), Robert and James Dumbaugh and aunt Roberta Tuccinardi. Beloved cousins Jeris and Lisa Tuccinardi of Sarasota, 1st Lt. Elizabeth Dumbaugh of the United States Army and Victoria Dumbaugh of Boston will cherish memories of Natalie in their hearts forever. Many aunts, uncles and cousins across the U.S. and Canada are part of her extended family. Also grieving for her is special friend, Mitchell Fox of Bradenton.
Natalie was a 2006 graduate of Booker High School V.P.A., a 2008 graduate of Manatee Community College and was currently a student at U.S.F., Tampa. She would have graduated in 2010 and had planned to become a music teacher. She was a member of the International Honor Society, Phi Theta Kappa.
Music was Natalie's passion throughout her short life. She was a member of the Sarasota Youth Opera throughout elementary, middle and high school. She performed with the Key Chorale for two years, and sang in the choir at First Presbyterian Church in Sarasota for two years while attending M.C.C. She performed at every opportunity no matter how small the role and took great pride in learning challenging pieces, often in a foreign language. Natalie's encyclopedic knowledge of music delighted all who knew her. She was a member of The Cotillion Club of Sarasota during middle and high school.
A memorial service will be at 1:30 p.m. Saturday at St. Paul Lutheran Church, 2256 Bahia Vista St., Sarasota, with a reception following in the Fellowship Hall.
Donations may be made in Natalie's honor to the Music Program at the State College of Florida, and can be sent to State College of Florida Foundation Inc., P.O. Box 1849, Bradenton, FL 34206.
As a small child, Natalie proclaimed, "I'm just like Mary Poppins; practically perfect in every way!"
Moreover, she was.

Natalie's Obituary in the Sarasota Herald Tribune

i can always be better...

i want to laugh more heartily
when my world gets too serious.
 
i want to sleep more soundly 
when my world gets tiring. 

i want to think more logically 
when my world seems chaotic. 

i want to live life larger 
when my world gets too small. 

i want to reach out more often 
when i feel i don't have anything left to give. 
♥ ♥ 


random photos of the day, my roommate, Adam, and me being silly:

being thankful

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.
Psalm 100:4

2009 has been a tough year on all accounts. Today is Thanksgiving, and thankfulness has been weighing on my mind recently. As most people i know, i have so much to be thankful for each day but do not always find the peace and presence of mind to appreciate these things. Today, I will try to remember some of the things that I appreciate and I will make an effort to take more time to be thankful every day.
 

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." 

~John F Kennedy

Here are some of the things that i am thankful for today: 

-despite and because all of the hardship that i've encountered this year and last, my relationship with God has grown incredibly. I am thankful for Him and everything that He is, has been, and always will be. He is everything to me.  

-i have the most incredible family a girl could ever hope for. we've been through a lot together in the past year or two, but we always pull together when times get tough and we get through everything... together.  

-even though i'm not doing what i had hoped to be doing, i am thankful that i have a job. i feel fortunate to have a job at all, especially in such a a tough job market. i count that blessing each morning as i drive over the bridge on my way to work.  

-i am thankful for the breathtaking views i get to see each morning on my way to work and each evening on my way home, watching the sun come up over the water and then watching it sink into the water on my way home.  

-i am thankful for the opportunity to stand beside my baby brother a couple of weeks ago as he married the girl of his dreams. seeing how he loves Kelly the way Jesus loves us is inspirational. I am so blessed to have such a brother, he is a wonderful man. Kelly is a lucky girl.  

-i am thankful for the precious time that i was able to spend with the rest of my family while in Lousianna for Adam's wedding- both sets of grandparents, my uncles, my aunt, and my cousins.  

-i am thankful for my health  

-i am thankful for my sweet and loving dogs and that Sonny (the oldest cockatiel in the world) is still alive and healthy.  

-that i have the ability to help the people around me and be giving when i have an abundance to give from and continue to give even when i have little.  

-i am thankful that i was led to a start attending a new church this year and for the awesome church home that i have found at Calvary Chapel St. Pete. i love going to church every week and i look forward to it. i really learn a lot of new things there and have met some awesome people through the 2 ministries that i've become involved with. i hope to have the opportunity to get more involved there this year.  

-i am thankful for my roomate, Toya.... in college, i lived with some awesome guys- Pat, Martin, and Adam.  we were friends, got along great, had fun together, and laughed a lot. it's hard to find good roommates... but i am lucky to have Toya. she's awesome. we have fun together, we go places and do things together, we talk a lot, and our house is always filled with love and laughter. we were friends before we moved in together, and we were both nervous about how living together would affect our friendship, but it has really turned out great. she has been an awesome friend to me and living with her makes life much more full and fun. i am thankful for her.  

-my friends. when your life isn't perfect anymore- that's when you find out who your true friends are. the people who stick by your side no matter what, the ones who make you laugh when you forget how it feels to laugh... i am so lucky to find myself surrounded in the company of a few of the most amazing people in the world, who i am blessed to call my friends. i could never put into words how wonderful they are and the difference they have made in my life. for them, i am truly thankful.  

-Glee & One Tree Hill, the two TV shows that i am shamelessly addicted to.  

-Music... enough said.  

-i am thankful that i was able to graduate law school this year.  

-i am thankful that i was able to have the opportunity to travel to Costa  Rica this summer, it was eye opening to travel out of the USA for the first time. And, since then, I have had a thirst to travel more and more... i want to see the world, or at least a lot of it. Also, while in Costa Rica, i was fortunate enough to meet a new friend, Mark, whom i am thankful for.  

-Yoga. In a time in my life when things can get stressful, i'm grateful for yoga. tell me, ya'll, what other form of exercise includes going to class with flip-flops on and finishing with a nap- separated by a good butt-kicking in between?

I lift my friend to You.... For A.C.

This has been on my mind for quite some time, but I haven't been able to put it into words here or anywhere. I've been struggling in my relationship with my best friend recently. I talked about him before, in another post here, how it's hard to talk about tough subjects with him because if you say something that he doesn't want to hear, he avoids you all together. Well, I don't know if he does that with everyone else or just me, but that's been my experience with him. 

So, we haven't really talked about things in detail, because he avoids it. But, I know that he's been making some lifestyle choices lately that are not consistent with his Christian faith. I don't want to say too much here because i don't know how to make these posts private and it's not something that i want to be public information. 

When I met him, he was such an inspiration to me. He was such an incredible man of God, someone who made me want to be a better person. He had such a kind, humble, servant's heart and he was so disciplined and honest, compassionate, gentle, and joyful. Everything about him... he was one of the best people I had ever met. In recent months though, things have changed.  I noticed these changes starting in July. He has become very secretive, not completely honest, and very concerned with himself. At times he is unkind, he is cold toward people that he used to care about (including me), and judgmental. It hurts me to say or think or feel these things about my best friend, but I am so very concerned for him. I can't talk to him about this because he either gets mad, pushes me away, or just blows me off. So, my only choice has been just to leave him alone and pray for him. He is going out and doing things that are not in line with our beliefs at all. I know that everyone does that sometimes, and i am definitely not pretending that I am without fault or that i don't sin. But, the things that he has been doing I fear are hard to recover from. He is sneaking around, not coming home for 3 or 4 nights in a row, and lying to those people whom he used to care about. 

I know that he is struggling with something very specific. He's making choices that he doesn't have to make. I don't want to say what it is in a public forum, but he definitely needs prayer. As a friend, I feel helpless when I realize that I can't do anything else for him but just pray.


Lord I lift my friend to You.
I've done all that I know to do. 
I lift my friend, to You. 
Complicated circumstances have clouded his view. 
Lord I lift my friend up to You. 

I fear that I won’t have the words that he needs to hear. 
I pray for Your wisdom , oh God and a heart that's sincere. 
And Lord I lift my friend up to You.

Lord I lift my friend to You. 
My best friend in the world, I know he means much more to You. 
I want so much to help him, but this is something he has to do.
Lord I lift my friend up to You. 

There's a way that seems so right to him. 
But You know where that leads. 
He's becoming a puppet of the world, too blind to see the strings. 
And Lord I lift my friend up to You. 

Lord I lift my friend to You. 
 I've done all that I know to do.
I lift my friend, to You.

Prayer for a Friend

sick

i don't feel well today... i can't stand feeling sick. i know that it will take a little time and i will start to feel better, but in all honesty, sometimes i just want to whine about it. instead, i will pray about it.

Dear Jesus, I have been feeling sick and even now feel tired and weak. Still, there are so many things to do and nobody but me to do them. If I stay in bed will You make me soup? Will You take care of my pets? Will you  go to my office and get my work done and write the checks that must be sent today?

Sometimes You do send me manna from heaven in the form of a friend. But when I must do for myself, give me strength to accomplish all that must be done: to cook so that I may eat, to pay bills, to do my job, to have patience with those around me.


Sometimes, at times like this that I feel so alone, so vulnerable and sometimes even frightened of the future. I feel lonely. But You have said You will be with me, You will not forget or forsake me. Will You wrap Your arms of love around me now and comfort me when I feel weak?



Also, my poor puppy Zeus is sick today. His stomach is upset and he is not eating. He is whining and crying and being very clingy. I do not know how to make him feel better. 

My family

my commute

yes, my commute to and from my office is ridiculously long... but sometimes it has its advantages. this was one of the most breathtaking sunsets i have ever seen. the photos don't do it justice. also- taking pictures while driving= kinda dangerous ;)

Salt Water

The cure for anything is salt water- sweat, tears, or the sea. 

~Isak Dinesen

 

Friday Funday

it's finally friday! i never thought this week would end! it seems that lately i never have a good day or bad day, instead it has become a series of weeks where everything seems to go right or everything seems to go wrong. this week has been one of the bad ones.  i can't even adequately list the stressful and frustrating events that have occurred this week (so, in an effort towards positivity, i won't even try). needless to say, i am so grateful that friday has finally arrived! 

my relationship with my best friend is on the rocks right now, which is really bothering me. we have been having a lot of miscommunication lately.it seems like everything i say or do he reads into or takes to mean something that it doesn't. his solution to every potential conflict is avoidance- but i don't mean avoiding the confrontation (like i do), i mean avoiding the person all together. so, if i say something he doesn't like, he just stops talking to me all together for several days. and, because i am who i am, i cannot take that. i would so much rather be yelled at or have mean things said to me than to know that there is an issue and have someone just refuse to communicate with me. so, of course, i try to get it out of him what is going on and why he's avoiding me and he, of course avoids me even more. then, i eventually say something, anything to get him to respond and it ends in him saying "i've just been busy. you're creating drama in your mind where there is none." funny, you've never been this busy before, in the entire time i've known you. come to think of it, when you spent the whole summer in Egypt and Europe and i was studying for the Bar Exam, there was never even a period of 2 days where i didn't hear from you. yeah, i'm really supposed to believe that he has been so ridiculously busy for the past 4 days that it has been physically impossible for him to pick up the phone and send a text? or maybe he has been lost in a cave in some foreign land where there is no such thing as a cell tower and they still carry postal mail with horses so his letters just haven't arrived yet?


he's my best friend and i miss him. there. i said it. i miss him. he used to talk to me and text me all the time and we would go places and do things together and it was fun. he made me laugh and we got along and i never had to try to be someone i'm not with him. i guess nothing lasts forever.


regardless of the fact that his absence has recently caused a hole in my social calendar as well as a silence that my cell phone has never experienced, i am trying to make the best of it and spend time with my other friends and have fun. you know, keep my mind off of it. i am looking forward to this weekend's plans. 

• tonight: a big group of friends is getting together for dinner, then going to see New Moon. 
• tomorrow night: my roommate and i are going out dancing, which we always have fun doing. 
• sunday: church. something awesome happened last night too. my roommate asked me "are you going to church on sunday?" i said "yeah, i always go." she responded, "ok. i think i would like to go with you." :) i'm excited that she asked to go without even being invited. :)

it looks like next week will be good too. i usually work about 60 hours per week, and it's impossible to get any time off around here unless you need to attend your own funeral. even then, there would probably be an argument. so, any time off is something  that i do not take for granted. 

• Monday, I get to go to court in the morning (i love going to court!) and then go down to our corporate office for a thanksgiving potluck lunch. since corporate is a 3 1/2 hour drive from our office, we don't have to go back to work afterward. 
• Tuesday will be a normal work day, but I have an interview for a position at the Office of the Attorney General's Child Support Enforcement office after work.
• Wednesday the office is closing at 5:00 (yes, that's early for me!)
• Thursday we're off for Thanksgiving 
• Friday the office is closed.

So, even though there are some frustrating things going on right now, I have a lot to look forward to! 


Random photo to leave you with: (my roommate and i on Halloween)