learning how to love my medic...

my husband & i have been married for almost 3 months now. i preface this post by admitting to the obvious: i don't know anything about being a good wife, at least not yet. every day i'm trying though. we have the same struggles that most couples do, which can usually be discussed with and understood by girlfriends or my mom. then, we also have some obstacles to overcome that i feel like i have to figure out on my own because i don't have any friends or family members that can relate to these ones. 

my husband is a paramedic. sounds sexy, huh? well, it is. but, there's a lot more to think about besides how hot he looks in his uniform.

i'm a lawyer. for me, going to work is a lot like going running or going to the gym: i usually have to convince myself to do it but i always feel better once i've gone. my husband is usually much more enthusiastic about both.

i met my husband just before thanksgiving. when i asked him what he was doing for thanksgiving, he said he was working. i didn't think much of it then. a week later, i text messaged him to invite him to go out with my friends on a saturday night. his response: "i'm at work until 4:00 am." i didn't say anything for a second, and i didn't know what to think about this. i couldn't imagine what he could be doing. "who works on thanksgiving day and until 4 am on a saturday night?" i thought. i wrote back to him, "what are you a bartender or something?" he responded, "i'm a paramedic." i felt embarrassed. first responders don't work regular hours like i do and they don't get the day off for the holidays. the more i got to know him, the more i learned to admire him. i couldn't believe it when he told me that his family was 16 hours away and he didn't know when he would see them next, but it wouldn't be for christmas. he was going to be working on christmas eve, and christmas too.

about 2.5 years later, i am that paramedic's wife. on january 1st each year, we sit together and check the calendar to see which major holidays he is scheduled to work that year. almost every time, he's working for most of them. for one full year of our relationship, he worked every single holiday. when most people are traveling to see their loved ones, or relaxing with their families, we can't. i spent thanksgiving alone this year because my family was traveling and Adam was working. when a hurricane is forecasted, i wait nervously every second for the call saying that he has to go to work and we'll be separated during the storm. at the end of each shift he works, i wait for the text message to tell me he won't be getting out on time- emergencies are, by definition, unpredictable. 

i spent nights alone. a lot of nights. our schedules were opposite for quite some time. i got out of my office an hour after he left for work. he got home from work in the morning fifteen minutes before my alarm clock started to buzz. it was lonely. 80% of our communication happened via text message. we learned to savor the moments we could spend together and learned to cram a lot into the 2 or 3 nights we had together each week. it was trying.


there are times when i feel like we have lot to complain about and, on some days, i do. this thanksgiving, i realized something though- the person who should be complaining about going to work on Thanksgiving was not the one complaining. i can see how passionate he is about his job, how much he cares about providing excellent care to his patients, how much time he spends outside work reading articles to keep abreast of current events in the ems world and constantly improve his skills and become more educated. most of all, i realized that the sacrifices we make are worth it to make him happy, to keep him fulfilled. for me to complain about him going to work on Thanksgiving is for me to complain about all the things about him that made me love him in the first place.
sometimes i ask him what he would want to do if he couldn't be a medic anymore. he never really answers me. he seems to think about it some, but he always just says "i'm happy doing what i'm doing now." that's all i need to know.

of course, i'm not perfect at this yet, but knowing that he's happy will get me through today.