learning how to love my medic...

my husband & i have been married for almost 3 months now. i preface this post by admitting to the obvious: i don't know anything about being a good wife, at least not yet. every day i'm trying though. we have the same struggles that most couples do, which can usually be discussed with and understood by girlfriends or my mom. then, we also have some obstacles to overcome that i feel like i have to figure out on my own because i don't have any friends or family members that can relate to these ones. 

my husband is a paramedic. sounds sexy, huh? well, it is. but, there's a lot more to think about besides how hot he looks in his uniform.

i'm a lawyer. for me, going to work is a lot like going running or going to the gym: i usually have to convince myself to do it but i always feel better once i've gone. my husband is usually much more enthusiastic about both.

i met my husband just before thanksgiving. when i asked him what he was doing for thanksgiving, he said he was working. i didn't think much of it then. a week later, i text messaged him to invite him to go out with my friends on a saturday night. his response: "i'm at work until 4:00 am." i didn't say anything for a second, and i didn't know what to think about this. i couldn't imagine what he could be doing. "who works on thanksgiving day and until 4 am on a saturday night?" i thought. i wrote back to him, "what are you a bartender or something?" he responded, "i'm a paramedic." i felt embarrassed. first responders don't work regular hours like i do and they don't get the day off for the holidays. the more i got to know him, the more i learned to admire him. i couldn't believe it when he told me that his family was 16 hours away and he didn't know when he would see them next, but it wouldn't be for christmas. he was going to be working on christmas eve, and christmas too.

about 2.5 years later, i am that paramedic's wife. on january 1st each year, we sit together and check the calendar to see which major holidays he is scheduled to work that year. almost every time, he's working for most of them. for one full year of our relationship, he worked every single holiday. when most people are traveling to see their loved ones, or relaxing with their families, we can't. i spent thanksgiving alone this year because my family was traveling and Adam was working. when a hurricane is forecasted, i wait nervously every second for the call saying that he has to go to work and we'll be separated during the storm. at the end of each shift he works, i wait for the text message to tell me he won't be getting out on time- emergencies are, by definition, unpredictable. 

i spent nights alone. a lot of nights. our schedules were opposite for quite some time. i got out of my office an hour after he left for work. he got home from work in the morning fifteen minutes before my alarm clock started to buzz. it was lonely. 80% of our communication happened via text message. we learned to savor the moments we could spend together and learned to cram a lot into the 2 or 3 nights we had together each week. it was trying.


there are times when i feel like we have lot to complain about and, on some days, i do. this thanksgiving, i realized something though- the person who should be complaining about going to work on Thanksgiving was not the one complaining. i can see how passionate he is about his job, how much he cares about providing excellent care to his patients, how much time he spends outside work reading articles to keep abreast of current events in the ems world and constantly improve his skills and become more educated. most of all, i realized that the sacrifices we make are worth it to make him happy, to keep him fulfilled. for me to complain about him going to work on Thanksgiving is for me to complain about all the things about him that made me love him in the first place.
sometimes i ask him what he would want to do if he couldn't be a medic anymore. he never really answers me. he seems to think about it some, but he always just says "i'm happy doing what i'm doing now." that's all i need to know.

of course, i'm not perfect at this yet, but knowing that he's happy will get me through today.

tips to survive being married to a paramedic

stumbled accross this blog today & thought i would share it: http://voices.yahoo.com/tips-survive-being-married-paramedic-3700116.html

Elle Künstlerin wrote:

" I am married to a paramedic and I was one in my former life before becoming a stay-at-home mom. It's a miracle that we ever managed to have a baby because few birth control methods are more effective than two paramedics working at different places on different shifts. It was tough back then but having the same career made it easy to deal with the unpredictability and missed Christmases. Now that we live totally different lives, coping isn't always easy. I've come up with a few tips and some humor (hopefully) to help you cope if you're lucky enough to be married to a paramedic too. I'm fairly sure my tips can help you if you're married to a firefighter too, but since I'm not, I can't vouch for 100% crossover in applicability.

1. Tip #1: Never schedule anything within six hours of a shift ending or starting. If you do, you will almost always have to cancel or go alone. It's cliche to invoke Murphy's Law but it's the only explanation for this peculiar phenomenon--unless you want to go with the idea that there's a grand conspiracy out there to get you. I go with the latter myself, but not everyone wants to admit that there's a grand conspiracy out there to get them. Your spouse is never guaranteed to get off of work on time. Never. Ever. Never. No one can ever predict when a bunch of idiots on cell phones applying makeup reading the newspaper eating breakfast will decide to get in a car accident. So if you schedule an appointment or engagement shortly after your spouse is supposed to come home, you're just asking for it. Same goes for scheduling something within a few hours of when your spouse is supposed to go to work. If they need extra manpower at work, chances are they'll call and if your spouse values their job, they'll head in.                                                                                                                                    
2. Tip #2: Remember that sentimentality is for normal families, not for yours. What I mean is your spouse will have to work on important dates, be it your birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving and every other important date in your life. It's not always possible to take off or switch for those days, especially if it's a biggie like Christmas. If you are hung up on celebrating Christmas on December 25th, you'll be celebrating without your spouse. It really is okay to open presents on December 24th or 26th, especially if your spouse gets holiday pay. Don't pass up on time and a half in this economy!
3. Tip #3: Be understanding. Easier said than done, yeah, I know, I know. But you can either get pissed off that your spouse missed little Susy's piano recital or little Matt's baseball game, be in a foul mood and end up with a tension headache, or you can be understanding, avoid deeper frown lines and save money on Tylenol. Special events will be missed, just like holidays, and it can be difficult to explain to children why Mommy or Daddy couldn't be there. My daughter is two now and I tell her that Daddy is helping people with boo-boos or people who don't feel good and she understands. Once they get older you can joke about it with them: tell them that Mommy or Daddy has to help idiots on cell phones applying makeup reading the newspaper eating breakfast who get in car accidents.
4. Tip #4: Try not to be suspicious of your spouse's relationship with his/her opposite sex partner. I admit that a lot more than saving lives goes on in the back of ambulances sometimes, but most medics are too tired to get busy on the job (and at home, but I don't need to tell you that, do I?) If your spouse has worked with the same partner for a long time, trust me, they know each other too well to ever think about getting naked together unless they're being deconned after a hazmat incident.
5. Tip #5: Try not to be suspicious if your spouse is gone longer than s/he says they will be. Similar to Tip #1, emergencies happen when you least expect them (they just wouldn't be the same if they were planned). Your spouse may get a late call and not be able to let you know. The likelihood that s/he is out drinking with coworkers is remote (but it's possible) and we established in Tip #4 that most medics are too tired to get busy.
6. Tip #6: Let them sleep. The life of a medic is never easy. It's almost impossible to relax while on duty because of the anticipation of a call, being on a call, and recovering from a call. Even if they get to sleep all night, it's not restful because they're anticipating a call. So when they come home after a shift, just let them sleep, no matter how much you want them to stay up and wash the dishes.
7. Tip #7: Understand that the honey-do list may never get completed. Refer to Tip #5: medics are always tired and probably don't have that much time off. What's more important to you, painting the dining room or spending quality time with your spouse? As long as your parents aren't coming next week, the dining room can wait.
8. Tip #8: Ask them how their shift went. But don't ask them for details because you probably don't want to know. You might think you want to know, but do you really want to hear about someone's brains splattered against a wall? Nah, probably not. But if you do, you should become a medic too.
9. Tip #9: Don't get mad is s/he doesn't answer your calls or texts for hours on end. Dying people take priority over a text asking what your spouse wants for dinner. If you have an emergency and need to get in touch with your spouse, call 911. I'm kidding, but you should come up with some kind of signal to let them know they need to pay attention to you. My personal fave is calling incessantly until my husband answers and yells, "WHAT?!"

It's definitely not easy to spend your life with a paramedic but keeping your sense of humor and remembering that your spouse is saving lives goes a long way to making life a little easier."

hello my name is autumn & i'm an inconsistent blogger.

okay, as i've admitted before, i am a very inconsistent blogger. this is my first update since august, 2010. a lot has changed since then. Adam proposed to me on October 7, 2010. we got married on October 14, 2011. more details on all that stuff here:
Our Engagement Story & Wedding Website
 
Here's a quick photo:

obviously, since i suck at updating my blog, i can't recap everything that's happened over the past 16 months. plus i'm sure that would be no fun to read. so, i'll leave it at this: the end of 2010 & the entire year 2011 were jam packed with exciting adventure. that being said- i am ready to start anew in 2012. here's to a new year full of new opportunities to be better than we have been in all aspects.